Mark 10:2-16 - Where Does Jesus Stand on Marriage? - October 3, 2021

Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? This may sound like a relatively simple question – but it wasn’t in Jesus’ day and it isn’t today. In fact, that’s precisely why the Pharisees were confident that they could use it to trip up Jesus: they knew (or thought they knew) that no matter how Jesus answered their question, he would fall into their carefully laid trap. Among the Jews of Jesus’ day – just like in any group of any day – there were people who fell on the liberal side and people who fell on the conservative side of the issue. The conservative followers of rabbi Shammai claimed that the only legal cause for divorce is adultery, marital unfaithfulness. The liberal followers of rabbi Hillel claimed that Moses allowed divorce for any and every reason, and that the important thing was that you give your wife a piece of paper certifying the divorce – to make it legal. I think this would make for a fascinating Bible class discussion question but because this is not a Bible class – and because, in the end, our personal opinions don’t matter, we’re going to ask: where does Jesus stand on marriage?

Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? is the kind of question that should immediately set off alarm bells. It’s like when your teenager drives the car into the garage, walks in the door and asks: what’s the name of our insurance company again? Why are you asking? Have you been looking for an excuse to dump your wife? Do you already have a replacement picked out? Are you trying to justify your past behavior? The Pharisees were talking about wives the way we talk about cars or boats – “when is the right time to trade the old girl in?” Why would they ask such a question?

Well, besides trying to trap Jesus, they were trying to do what everyone of every age has tried to do: get Jesus on their side. Republicans think Jesus is a Republican. Democrats think Jesus is a Democrat. These days, Jesus supposedly stands on both sides of masks, both sides of vaccines, both sides of immigration – and, shockingly, both sides of abortion. The truth is: Jesus hasn’t registered with any political party. He doesn’t pick CNN over Fox News or vice versa. Jesus’ kingdom is not of this world (John 18:36); instead, every kingdom is under his feet (Ephesians 1:22).

But back to the question: where does Jesus stand on marriage and divorce? Is Jesus conservative? You bet he is. You think Moses was strict? Moses only dealt with externals; Jesus goes right to the heart. Moses said you shall not commit adultery (Exodus 20:14); Jesus said “don’t even think about it!” (Matthew 5:27-30). He’s the one who said that not even the smallest letter, or even part of a letter, will in any way pass away from the Law until everything is fulfilled (Matthew 5:18). Is Jesus liberal? He is when it comes to forgiveness. He’s as liberal with forgiveness as the father of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). He’s so liberal that he tells Peter to forgive the same person for the same sin 77 times (Matthew 18:21-22). Jesus is a hardcore conservative when it comes to God’s commandments and a hardcore liberal when it comes to forgiveness. But Jesus’ position isn’t really the problem – the attitude of the Pharisees’ hearts was. And that’s what Jesus seeks to expose by answering their question with another question.

What did Moses command you? Moses, the author of the first five books of the Bible, said and wrote a lot about marriage. So which of Moses’ words on marriage did the Pharisees choose? Naturally, the exception, the loophole, the one that seemed to justify their ungodly desires: Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away. I would read what Moses actually said in Deuteronomy 24:1-4, but it’s rather long. Moses’ civil law did not legalize divorce – it prevented frivolous divorces and protected the rights of the innocent party (in those days, usually of the wife – because if the husband sent his wife away – society would automatically assume that she had committed adultery – Moses demanded that the provide a certificate stating the real reason – thereby offering her protection from being stigmatized and allowing her to freely remarry. That’s a long way from saying, “Moses said that divorce is okay.” But that’s how the legalist always thinks. They’re always looking for loopholes in the law. The exception becomes the rule. That’s how the Old Adam in each of us thinks. In the New Testament we don’t have to worship on any particular day (Colossians 2:16-17) is turned into, “I don’t really ever have to attend worship.” Everyone must submit to the governing authorities (Romans 13:1) becomes, “Not if they’re riding roughshod over the constitution or my civil rights.”

But with Jesus, legalistic loopholes become nooses. If you try to justify yourself with the Law, you’ll wind up condemned. Jesus caught the Pharisees in their own trap. [Moses] wrote this command for you because of your hard hearts. But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate. Jesus trumps Moses…with Moses. Jesus doesn’t go back to Sinai – he goes back to Creation. He doesn’t appeal to what God allowed as a concession to maintain peace among the stubborn, rebellious Israelites but to God’s original will for marriage. There’s no question that God’s original design for marriage was one man and one woman for life. Period. No loopholes. No exceptions.

Jesus was trying to show the Pharisees that they were looking at marriage all wrong. They had made two huge mistakes: 1) They had lost sight of the essence of marriage; and 2) they were viewing marriage as a burden rather than a blessing. The essence of marriage is not the ceremony, not the marriage license, not even the vows. The essence of marriage is the joining of two distinct people into “one flesh.” And that “one flesh” is more than physical, more than ceremonial, more than legal…because it’s more than human. Marriage is not man’s work but God’s. And what God joins together, man cannot separate. Sure, you can undo the physical, the ceremonial, the legal aspects of it with loveless words and actions, lawyers, and court orders – but you can’t undo the one flesh relationship God has created between husband and wife. Only death can do that. And death is God’s business, not man’s (Psalm 31:15).

The Pharisees were also ignoring the great blessings God wants to give through marriage. In confirmation class we talk about the three “C’s” of marriage: 1) that God intends to bring children into the world through marriage; 2) that God provides for chastity – that is the proper avenue for sexual desires within the bonds of marriage; and 3) that God provides loving and lifelong companionship through marriage. But as great as these blessings are, they pale in comparison to the greatest blessing of all: that the union of a man and a woman is to be a picture – although an imperfect picture – of the union between Christ and his church. Marriage, unlike any other earthly institution, is to paint a picture of the intimate, all-encompassing and indissovable union God creates between Christ and Christians through Holy Baptism (Ephesians 5:22-32). But you miss all of those blessings if all you’re looking for is loopholes and excuses and justifications to end your marriage.  

The disciples were bothered by Jesus’ answer, perhaps feeling guilty themselves, and so they ask him for further explanation behind closed doors. But Jesus doesn’t back off. Instead, he presses even harder: whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. If she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery. Jesus sews the last loophole shut. Getting a divorce in order to marry someone else is nothing less than adultery. The disciples were shocked at how strict Jesus was. Matthew records their response: if this is the relationship of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry (Matthew 19:10). (Ironically, this is the same logic that couples often use today to justify living together outside of marriage: “well, it’s better than getting married only to later on get divorced!”) But that’s missing the point. The point is not that you can keep the 6th commandment by avoiding marriage but that no one can justify themselves by the Law (Romans 3:20). If you try, all you’ll succeed in doing is damning yourself while, at the same time, missing out on all the blessings God wants you to have through his gift of marriage.

Here's the bottom line: Jesus didn’t come to this earth to save marriage from all of our creative attempts at screwing it up. He didn’t come to stop the United States from legalizing same-sex marriage. He certainly didn’t come to condone divorce or adultery. [He] came to seek and to save the lost (Matthew 19:10). Jesus came to save sinners. The outwardly good and the obviously bad. The conservatives and liberals. The Samaritan woman at the well who had had five husbands and was living with a sixth (John 4). The woman caught in adultery the Pharisees wanted to stone to death (Luke 8:1-11). The men and women who have crossed the line while dating as young people; those who commit adultery with images on the internet or by flirting with coworkers; the innocent and the guilty divorcee – Jesus came to save them all.

While we are all hardwired to think that we can save ourselves by our obedience to the Law; Jesus didn’t come to earth to clarify how you can obey the 6th commandment to earn your way into heaven. Whether you’re single, married, divorced, or widowed – the 6th commandment condemns us all. Jesus didn’t come to justify our sin but to justify us by becoming sin for us – to become the adulterer, the murderer, the liar, the thief that we all are – so that by being baptized into him and believing in him we might become the righteousness of God (2 Corinthians 5:21). He came to obey the Law in order to free us from the Law so that we can be free to be who God has made us – single, married, divorced or widowed – without fear, without dread of judgment, without the shame that causes us to hide from God and throw blame at others. He came to free us from searching for loopholes and legal excuses to justify our abuse of marriage. If you think you can come to Jesus and expect him to help you justify yourself in God’s eyes – you’ve come to the wrong place. On the other hand, if you know you have nothing – no excuse, no justification, no loophole – nothing but your sins to offer to Jesus, then you’re in the right place.

And do you know how Jesus proved that? With children! People (probably mothers who picked up on Jesus’ compassion toward the cast-offs of society) were bringing their children to Jesus so that he would touch them and bless them – in many cases, probably because their children were sick or dying. And, of all people, the disciples rebuked them: “Keep those filthy, bratty children away from Jesus! He’s got better things to do, better people to see, better places to go!” Jesus was having none of his disciples’ foolishness. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. Let the little children come to me! Do not hinder them, because the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Amen I tell you: Whoever will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it. What a contrast! We have the Pharisees and the disciples on the one hand who are so intent on proving themselves, justifying themselves, making themselves good enough for God by their works and logic and effort. And Jesus shoos them away to take dirty, snotty, sick, useless little children into his arms. Do you want to get right with God? Do you want to be welcomed into his kingdom now and eternally? Don’t come to him with your explanations of how pure you’ve been as a single person, how faithful you’ve been to your marriage, or how justified you were in getting divorced – you, I, and – most importantly – God, knows better. Come to him as the dirty, snotty, filthy, sinful child you (and I) are and fall into his open arms for forgiveness, life and salvation.

Where does Jesus stand on marriage? Is he conservative or liberal? I guess I’d have to say both and neither. Yes, Jesus is absolutely conservative when it comes to upholding God’s original will for marriage; and he’s absolutely liberal when it comes to forgiving every sin against the 6th commandment. But Jesus refuses to allow liberals to pervert God’s will for marriage and he refuses to allow conservatives to claim righteousness based on how well they’ve defended, defined and lived marriage. Thank God that our hope for salvation is not that we have handled God’s gift of marriage properly – but that through Baptism Jesus has committed himself, his life, his death and his resurrection to us and for us (Ephesians 5:22-32). You’ve been joined to Christ – and that’s one marriage that no one can separate (Romans 8:38-39). Amen.